so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
