woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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