thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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