I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
