ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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