careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
