9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
