Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
