I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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