My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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