That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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