just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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