Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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