I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
