you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
