I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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