we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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