Buhtt sex?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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