Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
