I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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