Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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