my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
