I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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