I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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