WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My ass is underappreciated
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
