So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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