we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
