ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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