PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
