She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
