how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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