So drunk its hurt
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
