If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
