sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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