your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
