The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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