You smell like a Billy Joel song
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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