She is in my trunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
