i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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