I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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