i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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