i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
