if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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