I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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