I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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