Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
