Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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