Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
