i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize