Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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