the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.