Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money