just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.