Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?