I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is