just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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