There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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