I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head