I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...