What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen