She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
