youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
