I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'