you would pick up someone in the library
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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