she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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