yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
