omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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